Category Archives: Nature’s Revenge

Cabin in the Woods (R: 2012)

Cabin in the Woods (R: 2012)

Cabin in the Woods ~ (Rated R: 2012)
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1259521/ * Director: Drew Goddard. * Written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard. * Starring: Kristen Connolly as Dana; Chris Hemsworth as Curt; Anna Hutchison as Jules; Fran Kranz as Marty; Jesse Williams as Holden; Richard Jenkins as Sitterson; Bradley Whitford as Hadley; Brian White as Truman and many others.

Within the last several years Hollywood and the film industry has been evolving and expanding the classical monster tale, as we watched through the ages meandering from Frankenstein, the Mummy, the Werewolf, and Count Dracula towards a whole different species of Werewolves, vampires, and zombies. Then came the serial killers obsessed with pain, torture, maiming, and realistic grotesque murder sprees self styled after Ted Bundy, Fred West, or Jeffrey Dalmer only to exaggerate to supernatural tales of Halloween, Friday the 13th, and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now a new sense of horror, going back to supernatural beliefs on Witches, Druids, Spirits, and creatures from the races of Darker Faeries come crawling out from their sidhe with vicious mermaids and mer-men, leprechauns, gremlins, goblins, orcs, giants, and titans. The Old God/desses are being brought back to life. What one would imagine would be a typical hack n’ slash film by the title of “Cabin in the Woods” turned to a conspiracy theorie, Dark ancient Deities tale of human sacrifice at a high corporate level ploy to satiate the “ancient ones”. None other than a tale weaved by Buffy’s Joss Whedon to give that twisted plot some fantastical depth. These five friends go on vacation to a remote cabin in the woods, only to find them trapped and manipulated in a pseudo-realm where they are lined up to voluntarily sacrifice themselves to the dark spirits.

The five college-aged kids head off to a friend’s cabin in the woods and lose all communication with the outside world. During “party time” and unwinding, the cellar door mysteriously flips open, only to involved a truth or “dare” to investigate the darkness. Within is a treasure trove of artifacts, each with a secret and a beast to unleash. Meanwhile they are monitored by a high tech secret lab where the white coats bet on which creature they will face – Pinhead, the Mer-man, flesh eating zombies, a ghoul, or a prehistoric monster of dinosaur proportions. Dana reads from the diary of an imbred hillybilly family thereby awakening the now family of deadly murderous zombies. But this is not the only laboratory experiment of what supernatural creatures will be unleashed, as the lab coats are monitoring similar setups from around the world, hopeful of a successful stint with the cabin. As each of the college kids get knocked off, the ploy backfires as the “virgin” saved for the last, teamed up with the brainy pot-head discover the conspiracy and find their way down into depths uncovering an ancient temple lair holding back the ancient Titans from destroying the Earth – satiated by an annual sacrifice that was planned. None of the scenarios work out for the guardians and literally “all hell breaks loose” as magical and supernatural beings, creatures, and monsters look at the lab coats and armed forces as a smorgasboard brunch. The Director of the agency, played by Sigourney Weaver, tells them the truth that the ritual involving sacrifice of the Whore (Jules), the Athlete (Curt), the Scholar (Holden), the Fool (Marty), and the Virgin (Dana) was to appease the “Ancient Ones” who lived beneath the facility. They had to die in archetypical order until the virgin remained. Werewolves, mer-creatures, unicorns, ghouls, zombies, and a giant serpent take their wraith. The Ancient ones rise to destroy the facility and the cabin. While an element of “kitch” and whacky elements loomed over the film, the special effects and deep mythical supernatural plot humored and entertained me. [Rating:4] Rating of four stars out of five. ~ Reviewed by Leaf McGowan.

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Primeval (2007: R)

Primeval (R, 2007)
Directed by Michael Katleman; starring: Dominic Purcell …. Tim Manfrey; Brooke Langton …. Aviva Masters; Orlando Jones …. Steven Johnson; Jürgen Prochnow …. Jacob Krieg; Gideon Emery …. Mathew Collins; Gabriel Malema …. Jojo; and many more. Investigating mass graves in Africa, a world-renown forensic anthropologist is severely dismembered and killed; a world press seeks to find out the truth and to catch her killer – an expedition is sent off to the wilds of Africa – only to find themselves in the turmoil of civil war, witnesses to an assassination, and prey to the area’s most notable predator. Some moments through the movie will make you jump out of your seat in similar fashion to the first theater viewings of Jaws and the Blair Witch. If you like horror films of nature vs. man, this one will satisfy your palate…. 4.5 stars out of 5.

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Spring Break Shark Attack (NR: 2005)


Spring Break Shark Attack
(NR: 2005)
Director: Paul Shapiro. Starring: Shannon Lucio; Riley Smith; and many others.

Ok, this is totally a “Jaws” meets “Spring Break” wanna-be flick, but it has some of its own entertaining points of value. Paul Shapiro brings a school of human-craving sharks into the hotspot of Spring Break activities. Of course you have the innocent sheltered young teen (named Danielle) sneaking off to Florida for Spring Break fun with her friends. She of course falls for a good-natured local named Shane who runs the boat charter business for his mom. There of course is the jock who is unwanted and stoops to criminal degrees to get the girl he wants. Danielle’s older brother Charlie is a marine biologist investigating a new reef in the area – and the mess of them stumble into something quite sinister going on at the beach as swimmers start disappearing. Turns out a school of Tiger sharks have an appetite for the scantily-clad. It’s definitely a B-rate of its own accord, and not many Shark attack movies can compete with Jaws these days, but kudos to those that try. Rating 2.5 stars out of 5.

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Black Swarm (R: 2007)


Black Swarm

(R: 2007)

Director: David Winning. Starring: Sebastien Roberts … Devin Hall / Dan Hall; Sarah Allen … Jane Kozik; Jayne Heitmeyer … Katherine Randell; Rebecca Windheim … Kelsey Kozik; Robert Englund … Eli Giles; Michel Perron … Mayor Blatz; and others.
The only thing this film has going for it is Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street) who plays the mad scientist hired by the U.S. Government to create an insect swarm weapon of mass destruction. As the weaponizing wasps are unleashed upon a small town in New York, the mad scientist Eli is trying to figure out how to stop or control them. The single mom sheriff moves back in town with her daughter only to find the love of her life fixing to leave town and only lured to stay because of the wasp trouble given he’s the only exterminator in town. The wasps somehow take over the townspeople turning them into brainless zombies only to serve the hive. The sheriff’s daughter becomes the Queen. See where this is going? Batty … nutty … and a really stupid flick. Not worth its weight. Even if you’re a fan of nature against humans kind of films like me. Rating: 2 stars out of 5.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVVQ6NNivpA

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