Category Archives: Zombies

Cabin in the Woods (R: 2012)

Cabin in the Woods (R: 2012)

Cabin in the Woods ~ (Rated R: 2012) * Director: Drew Goddard. * Written by Joss Whedon and Drew Goddard. * Starring: Kristen Connolly as Dana; Chris Hemsworth as Curt; Anna Hutchison as Jules; Fran Kranz as Marty; Jesse Williams as Holden; Richard Jenkins as Sitterson; Bradley Whitford as Hadley; Brian White as Truman and many others.

Within the last several years Hollywood and the film industry has been evolving and expanding the classical monster tale, as we watched through the ages meandering from Frankenstein, the Mummy, the Werewolf, and Count Dracula towards a whole different species of Werewolves, vampires, and zombies. Then came the serial killers obsessed with pain, torture, maiming, and realistic grotesque murder sprees self styled after Ted Bundy, Fred West, or Jeffrey Dalmer only to exaggerate to supernatural tales of Halloween, Friday the 13th, and the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Now a new sense of horror, going back to supernatural beliefs on Witches, Druids, Spirits, and creatures from the races of Darker Faeries come crawling out from their sidhe with vicious mermaids and mer-men, leprechauns, gremlins, goblins, orcs, giants, and titans. The Old God/desses are being brought back to life. What one would imagine would be a typical hack n’ slash film by the title of “Cabin in the Woods” turned to a conspiracy theorie, Dark ancient Deities tale of human sacrifice at a high corporate level ploy to satiate the “ancient ones”. None other than a tale weaved by Buffy’s Joss Whedon to give that twisted plot some fantastical depth. These five friends go on vacation to a remote cabin in the woods, only to find them trapped and manipulated in a pseudo-realm where they are lined up to voluntarily sacrifice themselves to the dark spirits.

The five college-aged kids head off to a friend’s cabin in the woods and lose all communication with the outside world. During “party time” and unwinding, the cellar door mysteriously flips open, only to involved a truth or “dare” to investigate the darkness. Within is a treasure trove of artifacts, each with a secret and a beast to unleash. Meanwhile they are monitored by a high tech secret lab where the white coats bet on which creature they will face – Pinhead, the Mer-man, flesh eating zombies, a ghoul, or a prehistoric monster of dinosaur proportions. Dana reads from the diary of an imbred hillybilly family thereby awakening the now family of deadly murderous zombies. But this is not the only laboratory experiment of what supernatural creatures will be unleashed, as the lab coats are monitoring similar setups from around the world, hopeful of a successful stint with the cabin. As each of the college kids get knocked off, the ploy backfires as the “virgin” saved for the last, teamed up with the brainy pot-head discover the conspiracy and find their way down into depths uncovering an ancient temple lair holding back the ancient Titans from destroying the Earth – satiated by an annual sacrifice that was planned. None of the scenarios work out for the guardians and literally “all hell breaks loose” as magical and supernatural beings, creatures, and monsters look at the lab coats and armed forces as a smorgasboard brunch. The Director of the agency, played by Sigourney Weaver, tells them the truth that the ritual involving sacrifice of the Whore (Jules), the Athlete (Curt), the Scholar (Holden), the Fool (Marty), and the Virgin (Dana) was to appease the “Ancient Ones” who lived beneath the facility. They had to die in archetypical order until the virgin remained. Werewolves, mer-creatures, unicorns, ghouls, zombies, and a giant serpent take their wraith. The Ancient ones rise to destroy the facility and the cabin. While an element of “kitch” and whacky elements loomed over the film, the special effects and deep mythical supernatural plot humored and entertained me. [Rating:4] Rating of four stars out of five. ~ Reviewed by Leaf McGowan.

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Doomed (R: 2007)

Doomed (R: 2007) * Director: Michael Su * Starring: Mary Christina Brown … Sybil (as M. C. Brown); Steve Cryen … Reese; Sara Diaz … Leigh (as Sarah Diaz); Desmond Faison … Craven; Aaron Gaffey … Wes; Michael Kehoe … Holagram Host; and many more. *

This has got to be one of the worst movies ever produced. Those who know me, know I’m a zombie fan. A big zombie fan. Zombie movies usually equate B-rate Horror. In fact I’ve seen some really bad zombie movies. But have to say this one takes the prize. I found it in the bargain bin for $3 a few months ago – now I see why, and why I hadn’t bothered watching it until now. I doubt I’ll get 25 cents for it at the used video store. Its about a time in the near future when death row criminals are given a chance to pardon themselves via a game show / reality tv show that trys to mimic “Survivor” with “House of the Dead”. They are dropped on an island to make it across the island to find 50 million dollars awaiting them as well as a full pardon and their freedom. Little do they know the island is filled with fast-running rage-filled zombies. It even lacks the usual blood of a zombie film. Bad plot, bad acting, bad lines. Sheer crap. Rating: 1 stars out of 5.

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My Dead Girlfriend (2006: R)

My Dead Girlfriend (R: 2006)

Director: Brett Kelly. Starring: Ralph Gethings … Man in Woods; Brett Kelly … Steve; Caitlin Delaney … Amy; Jody Haucke … Garry; John Muggleton … Carl; Anastasia Kimmett … Vanessa; and others.

With zombie movies you’ll either love it or hate it. This one has no class, no talent, and no pizazz. Its a knock off of the comical “My Boyfriend’s Back” as well, a poor one at that point. Its about a bumbling idiot named Steve who accidentally backs over his very cut girlfriend Amy. Since Amy is a witch and has tons of spellbooks abound, he figures he’d use the books to resurrect Amy. Of course, Amy comes back as a flesh craving zombie who winds up devouring all his friends. But love has heart and he lets her munch on himself. Very bady writing, amateur performances, and extremely low budget. 1.5 stars out of 5.

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RetarDead (NR: 2008)

Retardead (NR: 2008)

Director: Rick Popko, Dan West. Starring: Rick Popko … Deputy Rick / Porn Actress / Doctor / Ripper Detective; Tony Adams … Agent Russo; Michael Allen … Institute Director; Shamika Baker … Living Dead Girl; Jello Biafra … Mayor Anton Sinclaire; Scott Britton … F.B.I agent; and others.
The film’s name defines the quality of this flick … in the same genre as Tromo films, a really bad zombie flick gone poop. In a sense it is Rick Popko and Dan West’s sequel to their faecal flick Monsturd. Its about the mad Dr. Stern who is performing whacked experiments on special needs students that turns them into flesh craving zombies. The town descends into chaos dealing with the undead. Poor effects and low budget. The directors actually star in the film as the idiotic deputies. It has its moments of humor for some, but didn’t captivate my attention much at all. Its gory, in a cheap fake sense, and vile. 1.5 stars out of 5.

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Severed: Forest of the Dead (R: 2005)

Severed: Forest of the Dead

(R: 2005)

Director: Carl Bessai. Starring: Paul Campbell … Tyler; Sarah Lind … Rita; Julian Christopher … Mac; JR Bourne … Carter; Michael Teigen … Luke; Leanne Adachi … Stacey; John Reardon … Greg; Patrick Gallagher … Anderson; Hrothgar Mathews … Eric; and others.
An interesting eco-zombie flick about a multi-national forestry company that is engaging in biological experiments with the trees in a very remote part of a Canadian forest in hopes of getting a better logging yield. Something bizarre goes wrong though, as the experimental biology takes hold in the loggers and a camp of environmental activists turning them into flesh-eating zombies. Its a fight for survival as several hole up in a fortress fighting off the zombies. Interesting plot and acting. I enjoyed it. Rating: 3 stars out of 5.

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Dead Alive (R: 1992)

Dead Alive (R: 1992)
* Director: Peter Jackson * Starring: Timothy Balme … Lionel Cosgrove; Diana Peñalver … Paquita Maria Sanchez; Elizabeth Moody … Mum (Vera Cosgrove); Ian Watkin … Uncle Les; Brenda Kendall … Nurse McTavish; and many more. *

A New Zealand produced zombie flick about a subservient mommy’s boy who does everything his mother requests of him even when she is bitten by a creature that turns her into a zombie. At the same time, the good son falls in love with a women who he believes is “the one”. The town becomes infected by the mother and the son must rise about against his evil bloodthirsty mother to save the town from destruction and win the heart of his princess. Pretty corny. Rated 2.5 stars out of 5.

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